South Africa and HIV
I have picked up a new friend to spend time with on Sundays in Jo’burg: the newspaper, Sunday Times.
One of my favorite columnists is a woman named Pinky Khoabane.
On Sunday, November 15th, I read her short but bold piece titled “A Pandemic of Body, Mind, and Soul” which rightfully calls people to have a deeper dialogue regarding the AIDS pandemic in Africa, specifically South Africa. You can check out the article here: A Pandemic of Body, Mind, and Soul. “Awareness” is no longer the primary issue–then what is?
Below were my thoughts after reading the article:
Dear Ms. Khoabane,
Do you have any friends? No, I am not being facetious. Do you have any real-life friends besides the likes of me who may admire you for your boldness from afar? Individuals who actually have the courage to participate in a conversation that reveals how they are or are not responsible for the “broken social fabric”? How many, besides you, can hold the space of the audacious truths in your latest article without looking away from the fact that their own “friends” might be welding this very social fabric? A “real” conversation regarding this is decreasing at a frequency that is beyond alarming. I know that the diverse company of individuals (ethnically and of varying social stratum) where I centrifuge the fundamentals are dismissed as criticism given I am a New Yorker docked in South Africa for the moment.
In a society where getting married has become a fashion statement and not the foundation where upon a future generation is sculpted, how can one even begin to decipher what the “right” questions are. The erosion of the moral fabric is beyond a race issue, although it is the easiest scapegoat given the HIV “statistics.”
For example, I know of this young black entrepreneur who is such a devout “Christian” that he would consider your reference to the “young women on Soweto TV” as “promiscuous” and “too far gone” as being judgmental and out of loyalty he will look the other way when his best friend engages in adultery without protection. A real conversation can not take place without recognizing that a lack of merger between traditional African values (Sotho, Xhosa, Zulu, etc.) and scripture from whatever denomination is definitely at issue. Those who do not know how to be part of the solution can at the very least refrain from being part of the disease (excuse the pun) by refraining to have a disingenuous discourse where they can somehow disassociate themselves from the facts that are happening right under their own nose. Karl Marx said religion is the opiate of the masses–here in South Africa we have drunken (or hung over if you will) masses attending service. That is a lethal combination.
The mending of the “social fabric” can only begin when the people have the courage to have a compassionate, but authentic, discourse within their networks. The biggest, most destructive, lies are the ones we tell ourselves. And when we surround ourselves in the forged company of those who only feed onto the lies, like acid on our own sprit, there is indeed a ‘pandemic of body, mind, and soul.’
Hi Annie.
Thank you very much for your kind words. To answer your question on friendships – I do have friends but very few. As you might or might not know, the life of a columnist is pretty lonely but I dont have a double persona; that of the columnist and the individual as separate entities. And thats why I get very angry when people tell me I need to be controversial for my articles.
I don’t write to be controversial. What I write is what I think truthfully, genuinely and authentically.
What I think your question alludes to is whether I have or know people i can look in the eye long enough to complete the conversation on the erosion of our moral fibre, their complicity in it without being accused of being judgmental.
The answer is: I have five friends, all in their 40s and they dont behave in a manner I would describe as promiscuous. If they did, would I have the guts to tell them? You bet. But they probably wouldnt last as my friends. I suppose that’s how my column comes in handy. To enable my approach of openness, bold and direct dialogue to permeate to those I know from far – the policy makers, writers like yourself, the broader community, even churches even though this is not my favourite strata of our society. The levels of HIV infection call for everybody to get involved but as you correctly put it: We cannot do it until we can look in the mirror and confront the lies that we lead.
For me the fallacy is peddling the notion that ARVs are the be all in the battle against Aids. Some say I sound like a right winger for calling for a restraint in our sexual encounters and to rather promote responsible sexual behaviour. It requires education – empowering our girls with education, to be confident, strong, to work for themselves and not be submissive to men and boyfriends that they think they can have babies with for the sake of keeping him. To educate our boys to respect women, to be partners in the fight against violence against women and irresponsible sexual behaviour. We need to build an educated society – physically, emotionally so as to enable them to become critical thinking adults who are valuable beings in their communities.
Kindest regards
Pinky khoabane
@Pinky Khoabane – Dear Pinky, thank you so much for stopping by and to add more to this. Your wrote, “[…]adults who are valuable beings in their communities.” I believe therein lies the problem and the solution: what is it that gives value to people now and what are the values being taught and what, if any, are the consequences for falling short of living those values. Once again, thank you for your truth.