To love is a beautiful, mysterious event; do not miss it. Be neither too cautious nor too absorbed. Too many of us reason with our hearts and experience with our heads. It can not be so.
The heart knows no logic beyond need and desire; the head has no senses except the common and the pragmatic. Neither, frankly, is particularly useful in love, anyway.
Rely on your sixth sense, that little voice within. There is no preparation or protection from the joy and pain of relationships. They are inseparable twins. One follows another.
And make no mistake: love is not gay abandon; it is to be courageous, to take risks, and to be disciplined.
I thought about the conversation below as I re-read the quote above from Letter to Zenzele by J. Nozipo Maraire.
J. Nozipo Maraire only wrote one book (to my knowledge) and for some of us (including my parents and my friend Erica, who introduced the book to me) it remains a classic that we come to again and again. She is a Zimbabwean doctor and author of Letter to Zenzele. I highly recommend it to those who have not read it. It is one of my favorites.
My father once told me, “When a man doesn’t know what he wants out of life, he will 100% marry the wrong person. A man who does—will only marry for love.”
“Wrong person?” I replied, “My God. You make it sound lethal.”
“It is.”
I shook my head.
This was pursuant to a discussion that if you can not identify your “calling” (or your calling changes as you get older which is more than likely) then you should wait to get married.
“Unless it is THAT kind of love which defines what you want out of life,” he said.
“Marriage, asides from being about similar life ideologies and values, is about “common” goals that two people want to work towards. Initially, “falling in love,” serves as the spark which ignites the fire which serves as the fuel for the work required to sustain a “real love,” which in turn propels two people through all the adversities that may follow in a lifetime while they pursue their personal and mutual goals, ” he said.
“You can’t be certain about everything but you certainly have to, at the very least, want to figure out what you want out of your numbered days on this earth.”
I realize I am still learning to balance the need for taking risks and being disciplined from hard lessons learned. If I can say I have learned any one thing with 99.99% certainty from my own past experiences and observing others is this: love is nothing if not brave and ultimately the determining factor always comes down to this: the two people, despite it all, still want to be with one another and WORK to manifest that love into something more…
No related posts.
I am moved by this article. Gave me a deeper understanding on love. I appreciate this. Your writings are like sermons. They get to the core of the matter. You are truly called to writing. Keep on keeping on.
“My father once told me, “When a man doesn’t know what he wants out of life, he will 100% marry the wrong person. A man who does—will only marry for love.””
I believe this and this:
“love is nothing if not brave and ultimately the determining factor always comes down to this: the two people, despite it all, still want to be with one another and WORK to manifest that love into something more…”
Well said, well said!
I ‘love’ this and I get it. Thank you so much, beautiful insight.