Discovered @Story_Craft on Twitter. They host #storycraft which is a weekly chat on Sundays about the craft of writing fiction. You can check them out here. Their May 16th, 2010 Flash Fiction Challenge was as follows: “excerpts rather than short pieces complete unto themselves which highlight the craft of exposition. It must be under 200 words (though if it is more than 100 it better be DAMN good lol).”
I decided to use a “WIP” (work in progress) of my fiction manuscript titled Her Sizwe.
Sizwe is a Zulu word which means “nation.” It is also a name given to male children. So, naturally, it can mean Her Sizwe or Her Nation.
This is from the chapter titled “Broken Turquoise.”
Whoever wears a Turquoise may fall from any height and the stone attracts to itself the whole force of the blow, so that the stone cracks and the person remains safe. ~ J. B. Van Helmont
Ruah Maria continued her prayers every night despite her fractured beliefs in a God.
Had she only known that for every night of soul wrestling when the spirit is most restless, when it gasps to feel something, that thing it can’t describe, that thing no one understands, when it persistently fights the gravity of the mind, one morning without an announcement or a drum-roll of epiphanies, you transform into someone that can crack but never completely shatter.
She would have embraced those nights of restlessness had she grasped that something bigger than her prayers awaited. After five years of such nights, on a quiet plane ride, she met Sizwe.
Ruah Maria only stopped the various praying rituals after she met Sizwe because she felt, as she would explain to others of this change, “this essence of God within.”
So, after Ruah Maria lost Sizwe to himself, not yet comprehending the bittersweet difference between belief and faith, she was surprised to discover that all she had was faith and no desire to go to any mosque, church, or synagogue.
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Interesting, this emphasizes the exposition throughout the entire piece, creating a view we wouldn’t otherwise get of Ruah.
Ohh, powerful quote! Makes me want to wear only turquoise, heh.
I love your piece Annie, and I think it meets the challenge in many ways that mine don’t. ;P
This excerpt definitely made me want to read more!
I have a few suggestions, if you don’t mind? I think you could break the second paragraph in two or three, so the reading would flow better. Also, you repeat “had she known” in the same paragraph, which I think you could reconsider. I hope this helps.
@Mariana N. Blaser -
thanks. i really appreciate the feedback. broke it further without breaking that one sentence. And changed the other bit.
@Aidan Fritz – well exposition or not, it stays after that much re-writing! hahaha
Looks great!
i love your writing so much…i WISH i could create like this. it’s so beautiful…have to read it over and over again.
Fighting ‘the gravity of the mind’ tends to be a persistent challenge, but I’ve long thought that by putting up the fight, the mind is notified that other forces are about.