b.s. advice on social media & the emotional state of our economy

 

Earlier this week I came across a rather childish social media article that made a few good points. The lack of accountability more so than the level of mediocrity has risen so much since 2009 when I first began exploring the interwebs via a “social media vehicle”  that now I have to distinguish between an article and a social media article, art and social media art, a coach and social media coach and so and and so forth.

Upon first reading this article, 8 Signs You have Found Your Life’s Work, I exclaimed, “Yes! So true! That’s me right now!” (Feel free to go ahead and read it before continuing; it won’t take long; just like most social media quickies the substance melts in your mouth, not your brain). Now if I was someone who can’t really think for herself I would have clapped my hands and felt the surge of instant dopamine and tweeted or face-licked it. But I can and do think for myself. Moreover, I don’t care to feel the instant rush to share everything I come across so as to get a boredom “fix”. I share when I am truly compelled it must be shared; this “mindfulness” is not unique to me, we are all capable.

What struck me is the lack of depth. This is not the writer’s fault per se given that social media has become more and more mainstream instead of an alternative to the noise available everywhere, she had to offer something within the formula of quick consumption.

I didn’t think much of it other than the following:

Social Media Blogger’s Point #1: It doesn’t feel like work.

Me: I know that she means that one enjoys what he or she is doing so much that it doesn’t feel like work but I am also aware that for me, it IS work. It is a lot of diligent effort. Maybe she was intentionally ambiguous so as to generate conflicting comments and so called traffic.

Who likes traffic? Don’t we try to avoid traffic?

Yeah, that can’t be it, you are giving it all too much thinking credit, self. 

Social Media Blogger’s Point #2: You are aligned with your core values.

Me: Yes, indeed. Okay, she is onto something. That is how I feel about my work. I will continue reading…

Social Media Blogger’s Point #3: You are willing to suffer.

Me: Is she in her early 20’s? No, thank you, I have suffered enough. I have given my all and over-extended myself to no avail. I like being challenged, I can and do work very hard, I welcome being pushed beyond my comfort zone, but I will not tolerate suffering.

At the aforementioned thought, I decided there was no point in continuing to read something written by someone with the best of intentions yet still lacking some substantial experience. But then I saw the next point.

Social Media Blogger’s Point #4: You experience frequent flow.

Me: Oh no! Such a horrid use of the concept called “flow.” Besides, who says you can’t experience this zen like state in washing dishes, vacuuming, taking a walk with your significant other. I know what she is trying to articulate and I agree with her but why did she not elaborate. Why did she not go deeper?

Social Media Blogger’s Point #5: something something.

Me: Skip.

Social Media Blogger’s Point #6: Commitment is an honor.

“There is no hestitation or analyzation as to whether or not the work is right for you. Your heart says yes. Your mind says yes. Your body says yes. Commitment to your work feels like breahting. You cannot imagine spending your time dedicated to any other purpose.”

Me: There are two typos in that sentence but that’s okay. It happens. It’s “Fast Company” blogging. But wait, what?  There is no analyzing? Even during yoga there are moments when my mind says I can’t do this and my body is full of surprises and my heart just expands open despite so many fears. No, this is not ringing true. I have made commitments and walked right out the door when my spirit was suffocated. Maybe she means when one’s spirit is not suffocating in work. But then why did she not elaborate? What kind of service does her company provide (which is apparently in helping people connect to their purpose and passion and all other buzzwords) if she can’t even go deep in one article? Who only has one “purpose”? Why can’t your purpose evolve?

Social Media Blogger’s Point #7: The people who matter notice.

Me: How old is she? To me even a custodian matters.

 

I stopped reading.

 

Then I glanced through the comments. Some people were enraged at her childish approach to life, accusing her of never having worked a day in her life. Others were giddy that she had just tapped into exactly what they experience every day or were trying to find when they grow up and others felt her generation can only do this because those before her worked so very hard so she could now do whatever. And then the typical commentators being nasty to each other.

What value and service have so many comments generated?

 

My frustration quickly turned to sympathy. This young woman was doing what she loved and believed—my personal opinion is irrelevant given I am happy doing what I am doing—and all she wanted to do was help other people do the same. This is no different than majority of the yoga teachers now a days: I just want you to feel good too. Not many of them are willing to go deep like Marco Rojas (and a few others) and of those who do they equate going deeper with giving pain.

I then came across a response to this post in the form of another post in the Financial Times titled, “Marriages and jobs require work and love.”  I was excited. Aha! Someone did decide to address everything I was thinking.

But they didn’t. They made some better points but I lost heart when the writer of that post/article began as follows: both marriage and work “involve a selection process for which you dress up smartly and try to look brighter or prettier than you really are.”

Why would you do that? Don’t you intuitively feel you are more than all that “stuff” on the outside? I know for a fact that even the most superficial people have an inkling there is more to them than they let on.

The writer continued with her ideas about what finding work that feels like “the one” looks like and then openly stated she doesn’t know her core values and if this means that then she means this.

I was truly disheartened. This was in the Financial Times.

 

I filed it under “not my problem”. Whatever. I am grateful for what I am doing right now, full time, which also allows me time for creative writing, my family, love, health etc. It requires discipline and effort but it can be done and I am grateful. I have not forgotten what it has been like trying to get here.

And then I received the following email in my inbox. And I knew serendipity had generated enough signs for me to write something.

I didn’t get where I am overnight. I don’t think anyone does.  This ‘here’ will eventually change too which leads to the ancient wisdom familiar to all in one form or another: there is no ‘there’ to get to. Yet this doesn’t mean one doesn’t have goals and plans.

 

Not all of us can go start our own company, not just because it is a financial risk or one doesn’t know what he or she is doing but simply because there is no real passion for that. It is possible to work for another person or a very small firm or company or school and be respected and compensated fairly.

Moreover, people who do go out on their own often have substantial years in a field and they take a lot of their old clients with them. Once I attended a woman’s networking event where all these women worked for themselves. They were also coaches. They gave you the feeling that you too could do what they were doing and they could help you get there for a variety of fees. The one thing they didn’t mention though was that they all got started after 10 to 20 years of working hard for someone else. So when they did go on their own, they often took a lot of the clients with them. If you are starting out with no clients you have to have a very specific service you are offering and extremely reliable networking circles. There are many others with much more experience who have written about this topic in much more detail so I will not elaborate further, although you may not find them hanging out on social media as often.

The email below is the reality for most people I know. This person is not expecting someone to just hand them an ideal job. This person is not being a victim. This person is taking initiatives to change their circumstances. This person is intelligent,  talented, and hardworking.

I am sharing it with permission and promise of anonymity.

I’m actually actively looking for other jobs right now.  The job I have right now is okay but there is just no room for growth and the stress/demand is getting silly.  Work isn’t supposed to be fun but it’s not supposed to be something you dread either.  The only thing that keeps me sane at work are two friends I’ve made. The company I work for is owned by a major corporation so the demand is just ludicrous, especially at the end of each quarter.  They do whatever they can, no matter what, to meet their numbers at the end of the quarter.  Then they act like it’s such an accomplishment to meet their numbers after they work everybody to the bone.

Also, they just promote upper management to higher upper management positions and make up positions to fit them.  My former manager left the company in July and around that time I applied for her position.  I knew HR was looking to replace her with a purchasing manager.  So I applied; I sent my resume to the HR director, Controller and President.  None of them even acknowledged my application.  I knew I wouldn’t get it just because I had a feeling but I wanted to at least try.  I thought at least they’d interview me or acknowledge me applying but nope, none of that.  The fact that they didn’t even acknowledge my application and didn’t think twice about considering me, totally turned me off of this company.  It told me that there is no room to grow at all and I’ll be stuck doing what I’m doing.  They eventually hired a new purchasing manager who is [omit], at least I think she is.  She sure looks like it.  [omit]. She makes the team do all the work, while she goes home right at 4:00 every day, no matter what.  As you can tell, work is frustrating, so like I said I’m looking for other jobs.  I did have an interview last week so I’ll have to see how that turns out.  There is another option that a recruiter presented to me the other day so we’ll see.

 

Over the weekend I had a chance to talk to the manager of a big chain grocery store. While paying for the orchids I quickly commented that I was new to the area and this was such a lovely supermarket, I loved how it was organized, clean, and the workers seemed so happy. He replied, “We certainly try.” This manager is also someone who used to work for a big company and lost his job two years ago. Things have not been easy but they are making the best out of very trying circumstances. This individual is also a father whose son was going on a date that night with a young woman who was of “questionable character” in the parents’ assessment.

What is his purpose? To provide the best customer service, to make sure his employees are happy to show up to work so as to create an amenable environment, to make sure he has a replacement for the girl bagging the groceries who has to leave a little early to go to her second job because one is not enough, create time to check up on his son’s date with a new girl, and much more than a list can ever cover.

Is this his life’s goal? Probably not. Does he have other ideas about what he wants to do? Perhaps.

But for now, he would have you convinced that this is indeed his life’s passion.

 

I don’t have any how-tos for anyone. I believe all of us carve our own way and it takes a different amount of time for everyone.

I do know the following, in the words of my yoga instructor, “We all want the freedom to BE.” That “be” can vary from person to person and even year to year and requires responsibility and may or may not have anything to do with your job regardless of how much you enjoy or hate your work.

I don’t know why people offer these lists for relationships and jobs as if a quick reading will change things over night or even in over a year. Social media  in some ways is constantly perpetuating a sense of reality that doesn’t exist even when the intentions are good.

Here are my there simple guiding principles. Thanks to my yoga instructor Marco Rojas the idea of integration is deeply imbedded in my practice beyond the mat. These three principles govern my creative writing, work, friendships, and relationship:

1) respect, 2) commitment to growth for all involved, 3) compassion with a vision.

 

Most of us are happy, all things considered. Challenges are not always an adventure but they don’t have to mean suffering. If you are not happy with your work or relationship, do the best you can each day to change your circumstances but also know that there are many things not in your control. There are companies that will continue to do things the old way and the time is coming where they just can’t exist anymore because we can no longer afford to devalue one another to that extent.

 

 

Good things are possible but they do take time. Cycles come and go. Visions change. Creating lists is helpful for yourself and others similarly situated, not someone who just lost his or her job and has more responsibilities than an average start-up-kid can ever imagine.

Social media was a tool that placed individuals in charge of offering alternative perspectives. It was not selling others’ ideas on what and how things should be. We already had something like that. It was called television broadcasting network owned by various corporations.

 

Here is a great piece I came across by someone who was a coach long before social media. The Paradox of No Choice.

And this via Chris Guillebeau: The Audience is Listening (hopefully).