December 3 & 4, 2022

Looking Back to March & April: Joy, Happiness and Love

We overcomplicate happy. There is nothing to analyze or ask. We know when we are happy, when we are filled with joy, and when we are in Love. I don’t mean “in love” in the romantic sense or as a hyperbolic expression of interest; I mean being in the space and energy that is Love. That space consists of being ourselves and feeling accepted for being ourselves.

I am aware that every statement in language bears the weight of the existence of an equally contradictory statement; for example, “feeling accepted for being ourselves” demands the consideration of the statement that such a space of love may, at times, challenge us to grow into being our authentic selves etc. For this post, I just mean a space where we feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be in this moment, just the way I am.

March was such a month; however, it is also the month I remember least and hence I am writing this. I want to chisel words into Time, provide photographic proof to myself, and make concrete that which was so good, too good, so good that it didn’t register as a memory. I included April along in this post because I don’t have many photos from April, other than celebrating my birthday and visiting my family in California. This means I was busy with teaching. Very busy.

Also, doing this 12 days of posts to remember the 12 months of this year has led me to many research rabbit holes related to the “The 12 Days of Christmas” carol. Three French Hens. Three French Hens! Apparently, the Gallic rooster is a national symbol of France. It meant one thing during the Renaissance and then another during the French revolution. One analysis concludes that the Three French Hens represent faith, love, and hope as per 1 Corinthians 13:13. Another states this reference is about the three tasks of the soul: understand, choose, and love. I am not linking to sources because they are as good as anyone doing their own internet search. They are not reliable. And I believe the tradition is a countdown towards Christmas day, as in 12, 11, 10 etc. And not, 1, 2, 3. This is to confirm my posts have nothing to with the 12 Days carol, but I am very much enjoying the research around all of it.

March began with a Van Gogh Exhibit: The Immersive Experience. And it was truly immersive and a wonderful experience.

Then came the first international trip after almost two years: back to visit friends in Ireland. This is partly why this update has taken so long. I remember everything; I remember nothing. Then, Ireland had just lifted pretty much all restrictions from what I can recall, and we all decided to have a reunion. I had time off due to spring break. It was a risk because the US was still requiring proof of negative tests before boarding for flights into the US. This requirement would be dropped (arbitrarily?) in June. I took the risk because at that point my mental health was more important than being “stuck” in Ireland for additional 10 days, or was it 5 by then? Of course, friends also had to consider many factors before our getting together. In the end we were all better for it. Friends were excited; I was excited. The dollar exchange rate was ideal, although the price of gas/petrol everywhere was beginning to scare everyone, and perhaps we all knew things were going to get worse… so might as well.

I arrived in Dublin and headed right to my friend’s home in Blackrock Village, a favorite area.

I went straight to her house where she was having a huge book sale to raise funds for Ukraine. I jumped right into the gathering. It was absolutely lovely. A lot of money was raised. I felt I was being resuscitated after the last two years, but I didn’t really know where I was.

The luxury of a flat-white done right was something I didn’t even know I needed.

A few of us gathered to have dinner at a friend’s sister’s Italian restaurant in Dublin. This was a treat.

I met a friend at the Radisson Blu, St. Helen’s Hotel, Dublin. Yeah, it’s as fancy as it sounds.

Yes, I remember the meal; the tea; the conversation. But not myself in the memory. What did I say? What did she say? How grateful was I? But what I remember is this moment when we walked around the grand hotel. I remember our footsteps. I remember the ground. I remember the feeling that I had known her my whole life. I remember feeling happy.

I met another friend who came to visit me in Dublin and we ate at this fabulous restaurant (no photos). Thereafter, I headed to Kildare where I stayed at my friend Amy’s house. Yes, that’s really her home. I could have slept in the bathtub for all I cared.

After that, I went onto Headford which always feels like home-away-from-home. The fella who does my hair is there; need I write more? I love this village-town, thanks to my friend. I am afraid to even mention it here because I don’t want anyone to ever find out about it.

I attended the Saint Patrick’s Day parade. It was raining and it was so much fun.

I went with my friend to visit another friend in a nearby town. More tea. A long nap. Great chat.

Then we all went to Cork for the reunion. It was at Hotel Isaacs and it was something I felt and I can’t put in words.

We had a lot of tea.

Then I went to stay at a friend’s home in Cork. For me, this driveway, this entry, symbolizes a portal where I enter and I forget everything else, and I am just in the present, in the now. My friend knows exactly how I like my toast, porridge, and tea. I am immersed with her in many conversations and simultaneously in a silence made of understanding. I also like their cat.

March was dizzying. Two years without international travel–without seeing my friends who kept in touch with me every week, if not every day. I had continued domestic travel since March 2020, both to Florida and California, but international travel remained uncertain. I was tired and I didn’t know it. I was happy and I didn’t know it. It was the best time and I don’t remember it happening because I was recovering from the last two years. I didn’t realize the impact of uncertainty in one’s life, on one’s mental health, until one is no longer in uncertainty. I had to write all this down to know it was the best time and that I am the luckiest person to have the kind of friends I do.

April.

I worked a lot. I was informed in January that I was a finalist for the Golden Apple Excellence in Teaching award and I believe there were observations and paperwork in April. There was a lot of work in April. It was also my birthday. I don’t have a lot of photos but for those with and of my nieces and nephew which I won’t post here.

I visited my family in California. I got to see my nieces for Easter and my nephew too.

That’s what I have in my photos: lots of photos of them.

I read Peach Blossom Spring by Melissa Fu; I highly recommend it. And I began dabbling in the collection of short stories by Ayşe Papatya Bucak; I also highly recommend it.

March and April were great months. I just don’t remember them. And by writing about it, I have tried my best to make concrete that which wasn’t such. It was a time beyond memory.