To balance upside down in the dark
Long before the yoga studio where I have to be a member in order to attend Marco Rojas’s classes hopped on board with “blindfolded yoga” as the newest yoga trend, Marco used to teach yoga with eyes closed. He began this because one particular time during class he had a sight-impaired student. Marco decided that we should all experience the poses with our eyes closed.
The first time I experienced yoga with my eyes closed, I cheated. I didn’t trust myself. What if I was on someone else’s mat? What if I fell? What if I was doing everything wrong? Out of respect for Marco I stopped peeking and shut my eyes for good, and because I trusted him as an instructor I knew that we would be fine. That was in early 2008, I believe.
I like listening to my body yet it is not always an easy dialogue. Often my mind has a projected story than what is actually happening. The mind can be like a Fox News broadcasting station: all made-up, over-dramatized, large amounts of fake-up that covers the face like a mask, some reality conjured from fear that make the experience ratings go down.
The tight knot between the neck and the right shoulder in the trapezius muscle group, an uninvited guest since August that comes and goes as it pleases, reminds me I can’t lift my neck, bend my head a certain way, and it simply can’t help hold the weight of my body. Yet despite having blindfolds on during Marco Rojas’ yoga class last week Monday*, I was somehow able to hold the headstand the longest I have ever been able to and with elegance for a change! How did I know I was remotely refined given there were no mirrors or way to compare myself to others? Because elegance is that graceful strength you feel inside. My legs were not shaky, they were solid and alive, not flailing back and forth, as if the air was solid as earth and I some skywalker with large heart-shaped leaves for feet.
My body didn’t want to be in pain yet my mind wanted to hold onto some story about the awful night in London when I returned from Prague and was headed to Paris the next day and dragging my suitcase in exhaustion. It’s as if other exhaustions since then have found a little nest in that space where an old story lived with a stressor that is no longer there.
The more you trust your understanding of where you are, the less anxious you are about where you are going. As long as I knew my body alignment, granted from years of consistent practice, I was not going to fall over. Upside down or downside up, it all felt right, for I was solid within and that’s all I needed to see.
*The video below is not from last week Monday (although I was in attendance) but from a couple weeks ago at a different location, although owned by same studio.
Lovely post Annie. Makes me want to take up yoga…
“…Elegance is that graceful strength you feel inside.” Well said. Beautiful post, Annie!
“To Balance Upside Down in the Dark” would also make a wonderful poem. Your careful record of your reflections in class, in the expanding personal timeline of many classes, is very instructive. The questions in the second paragraph sound like quotations from your thoughts, but also describe the moment as anyone could experience it.
I think of seeing as especially important for balance poses. In the tree pose, for example, one is usually instructed to pick a point to focus one’s gaze. It must be tremendously challenging to find that fixed point inside, instead. But that seems to be what you did for headstand, as it became steady. A blindfold doesn’t remove self-consciousness, but it definitely changes the quality of it. [I’ve never gone beyond shoulder stands, eyes open, by the way. :)]
How cool that you included a video of a class! I finally see Marco Rojas, hear his voice and the tone of his thoughts and instruction. Thanks for that, and cheers to you!
~lucy